She Can Read. Who Knew?

Guess whose crazy red poodle can read. You already know, don’t you? Ya, ours.

For six years (her entire life) it has been a struggle to get her to eat. She has always been several pounds under the breed standard. Visitors often comment on how skinny she is, especially when compared to our two <ahem> meatier dogs. She has earned the nickname Bird Bones because she is built more like a baby bird than a majestic standard poodle.  I often worried that perhaps she was Penny-rexic.

I’ve tried so very many bowls: pet bowls from pet stores, pretty ceramic bowls from human stores, paper plates and even metal bowls but she would only eat when the planets aligned and/or the humans humiliated themselves and even then it was a crap shoot.

We have tried numerous ways to get her to eat: sprinkled parm over the food, sprinkled “magic” dust (just rubbing empty fingers over her bowl), stirred plain yogurt in, mixed in bits of  leftover human food, which she picks out leaving the kibble behind, and I’ve made “gravy” by adding water to whatever pan I cooked the human dinner and mixed that in.

On more occasions than I care to divulge I’ve even tried blowing kisses into her food. Yes, a loud “mmm-wah” with accompanying theatrical gesture and overdramatic blowing. Desperate times call for desperate measures. She may eat a little then just backs away.

Sometimes she would eat if a human would sit rightnext to her and pretend to eat, too.

If we did get her to eat it was a tenuous situation. We have been known to loudly whisper “she’s eating nobody move” and every human in the room will freeze in place lest we disturbed the balance of her universe and she stop eating.

Close the dishwasher, fridge or a cupboard door? Pop a cork on a bottle of wine? Speak too loudly? Dare to cough, sneeze, burp, fart or laugh? Peace out, it’s over, baby, she’s done.

The struggle is more than real.

I bought some new dog bowls at TJ Maxx last week and since using them HRH  GOBBLES up every last nugget – instantly. How are these bowls different? They have words on them which she has read and taken to heart, I’m certain. I guess she needed aesthetically pleasing, clearly labeled bowls.

“DOG live, love, bark”

I’m thankful they don’t say “eat” because if she read that she probably wouldn’t.