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As The Poodle Turns… Season 1

July 21, 2011

Back by popular demand, here is the complete first season of As the Poodle Turns.

March 24, 2010    I’m driving Miss Daisy to meet her “husband” tomorrow. If all goes well we will have goldendoodle puppies in late May!!! Yay!!!

April 1, 2010       I talked to her Mother-in-law (Breeder-in-law?) on Tuesday and she wasn’t “ready” yet but she thinks by today (Thursday) that they’ll be getting busy.  I am grossed out that I know this much about my dog’s love life.

April 16, 2010      Daisy is home. Yay!! She smells like a pile of poo. Boooooo!

We walked into Petsmart at 8:20 tonight to buy a vat of heavily scented dog shampoo and to our delight, the girl in the “beauty parlor” took pity on us and bathed her right then and there. Yay! We left at 9:00 with a very fluffy dog… who still smelled like poo. Boo!

We won’t know if she is pregnant for about 4 weeks. Double Booo! I wonder if I can get her to pee on a stick for me before then. Patience is so not my thing.

Now that she is completely dry she smells better but her whole body is now a giant walking afro.

April 19, 2010      So I’m wondering about Daisy’s status. She sleeps all the time and is suddenly very picky about what she will eat. Could she be ‘spectin or is she turning into a cat? Stay tuned for more on…. As the Poodle Turns.

April 21, 2010      Today on As the Poodle Turns….

Daisy is still not eating much so last night I gave our girl her favorite: a HUGE peanut butter dog cookie. She tenderly carried it upstairs and slept with it between her front paws. She kissed it and coddled it all day today and it was just adorable until…. dun dun dun… she ate half of it. I am now very worried about the safety of her potential babies.

April 29, 2010      Today I am pretty perturbed by the particularly picky, possibly pregnant poodle. Who doesn’t love peanut butter and hot water mixed into their food?   Daisy, you’re killing me here.

Oh well, at least she afforded me the opportunity to create an alliteration…and who doesn’t love those?

April 30, 2010   This week on As the Poodle Turns….

Mom discovers that our star will eat if it is served in the cat’s bowl. Everything tastes better in the cat’s bowl… who knew?

Groomed for the last time before birthing, she now sports a very short coat and the doggy equivalent of a Brazilian. TMI? Sorry, I meant Daisy, not the mom! All of this and we aren’t even sure if she is pregnant. Puppy Mamma Drama, my new thing.

May 6, 2010   As The Poodle Turns….

Miss Daisy spends most of her time sleeping in the blue chair in the Library, curled into a ball, snoring like a man. Continuing the mind games, the evil Mom puts Daisy’s food in a large cat dish which is first offered to Max, the cat, before being placed on the floor. Mom utters a stern warning “Daisy, no.” Mom and Max leave the room and Daisy inhales the food.

Sadly, our star believes:

A) she is really getting cat food and

B) she is starving out Max.

Mom cares not that her dog may be a sociopath, she cares only that Daisy is eating. Max, complicit in the game, now takes his meals from the safe height of the bar stools, far above the puppy mamma drama, figuratively and literally. Pregnancy status… still not certain.

May 20, 2010  Continued uncertainty on As The Poodle Turns…

Mom, in a sinus induced episode of psychic ability, fears that our star, Daisy, will turn out to not only NOT be pregnant but will have developed a personality disorder which will require intensive in-patient therapy. Still on a chair all day, refusing to eat plain dog food, Daisy is unaware that Mom contemplates a call to Cesar Milan.

Perhaps Daisy may feel violated or …she has found a way to get a half cup of cottage cheese and a can of gourmet dog food mixed in her dry food AND be allowed to sleep on a chair all day. I feel violated now.

May 26, 2010   This week on As the Poodle Turns….

Mom and Anna take Daisy to the vet to investigate the odiferous ear situation. Yeast is found to be the cause. While there, the vet asks permission to shave the belly and perform an ultrasound… dun dun dun…which is inconclusive.

Although there are some “suspicious liquid” objects in the general area of the uterus, a better image can be obtained in 10 days. Somehow Daisy has managed to LOSE 5 lbs in the past 7 weeks on a high calorie diet and no exercise, which makes everyone in the house want to use the B word on her. Will the pitter patter of little feet be heard in our home this summer? Will Mom have to ask the insane breeder for a refund? We are now in day one of the ten longest days of summer.

June 14, 2010  As the Poodle Turns… Season Finale…

There are no puppies.  The anticipated due date has come and gone.  Daisy never grew a belly.  I guess if any dog could have an hysterical pregnancy, it would be mine.

Mom, always avoiding confrontation, decided to not ask for a refund and called the crazy breeder today, making tentative plans to try again in the Fall.

Daisy remains confused and nuts. She doesn’t understand why her people are referring to her as “dog” and not “precious little mamma” any more.

July 12, 2010  Although Season 1 of As the Poodle Turns… is over, here is a mid-hiatus teaser.

OK, she may not have been pregnant but she is still crazy…. Daisy, eating breakfast in the kitchen, hears the dog treat commercial that says “bacon, bacon, BACON!” and races into the living room, mouthful of food spewing everywhere, to watch. It ends, she wags her tail, picks up the food she dropped and returns to her bowl. Really smart or really nuts?

There’s that fine line again.

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