As the Poodle Turns… Season 2

September 24, 2010     Many great shows returned this week and one REALLY weird one. Is anyone ready for the return of As the Poodle Turns? Will Mom call the crazy breeder or will she decide that broken ankles and birthing puppies don’t mix? Will the now older and wiser (?) Daisy manage to get pregnant this time? Will Dad put his foot down and stop the madness???

Yep, Daisy’s in heat.  It’s time for Season 2 of As the Poodle Turns…

Wearing the undies of shame.

September 28, 2010   Mom (that’s me) is at the vet with her 3 girls. Only one of them is here for fertility testing. That’s right, the puppy mama drama begins with an all new season of As the Poodle Turns.

October 2, 2010   Today on As the Poodle Turns, our star is happy to not have to go to the vet, who probes and prods and shames her. Oblivious to the fact that she will be leaving on her honeymoon in an hour, she smiles at Mom, who tells her what a good girl she is.  At the sound of Mom’s voice, Daisy wags her tail (which is poking out a hole in some hand me down underpants) because all is right in her world… for now…

October 4, 2010    Today on “As the Poodle Turns”… Daisy faces the ultimate rejection: the chosen stud wants nothing to do with her. The apologetic breeder offers to “introduce” Daisy to another male, a red Standard Poodle. Purebred poodles instead of Golden Doodles? Mom agrees to let them try. Concerned about Daisy’s already low self esteem, Mom wishes she could just buy Daisy a purse to make the hurt go away…

As long as we call him "Stud" he doesn't care if he is our "Plan B" or if his haircut makes him look like a big girl.

October 6, 2010    Today on As the Poodle Turns… Mom liberated Daisy after only 5 days at the breeder and 2 successful, er, um, attempts. ((blush))  After a 2 hour beauty stop at the groomer, Daisy is now sleeping quite heavily. Occasionally, her tail wags as she snores softly in the warm sun cascading in the window.  All fingers, toes and eyes are crossed at Casa de Our House… will there be babies in early December? Stay tuned.

October 13, 2010    Today on As the Poodle Turns… Daisy seems to be completely normal. She is sleeping more than usual but there is no hunger strike or pretend babies. Mom, though relieved that there is no psycho puppy mama drama, finds herself being yelled at all of the time. “Mom, stop feeling up the dog!!” A new worry begins… Daisy has only 6, um… spigots. Are round the clock puppy feedings in this family’s future?

October 20, 2010  Today on “As The Poodle Turns” everyone here is bored. Daisy is only her usual crazy self: climbing into our laps to watch TV, sleeping in a chair all day in the library and spinning her head like Linda Blair when one of her key phrases is uttered (“Go bye bye?” “Want a Whopper?” “Duck stick?” and “Obama?”) The nail biting begins for Mom. Are there puppies? Will Daisy’s name change from Daisybella to Daisybelly?

I'm confuzzled.

November 2, 2010    As the Poodle Turns… Daisy has some new, too disgusting for Facebook, symptoms and our doggie mid-wife, says this ickiness is proof that she’s PG. Our birthing co-pilot, Rob, stopped by with CJ, his gorgeous St. Bernard, which made Daisy so happy, then she slept for 7 hours. She still only eats chicken and eggs and ignores her food, even though Mom makes peanut butter gravy for it. Go figure…

November 11, 2010    This week on As the Poodle Turns… Daisy’s appetite has returned with a vengeance and her waist is beginning to expand. Since the current tummy occupants leave little room for food, she eats every 2 hours around the clock and burps like a drunk, often waking Mom who then bolts out of bed to clean up what she fears is a pile of yuck, waiting in the dark. The men will make a whelping box this weekend.

Daisy likes the whelping box that Dad and Son built.

November 15, 2010    Today on As the Poodle Turns… fast asleep, Daisy suddenly jumped up and ran to Mom, laying her head in Mom’s lap. Mom, of course, took this as yet another opportunity to feel the belly. Mom squealed with JOY as the belly of her precious dog KICKED her hand. Mom’s youngest daughter then took a turn and was kicked, too. Daisy was given praise, a chicken breast and more praise. X rays this afternoon will give us a head count.

November 16, 2010    Yesterday on As the Poodle Turns… Mom took our star to the vet for x-rays so we could get a head count on the belly population.  Gue$$ what?  The x-ray$ were inconclu$ive.  The vet $uggested performing an ultra$ound, which will $how a better image.  Of cour$e $he did.  Why wouldn’t $he?  Many dollars later we are given a head count:  There are 4… maybe 5 puppies in there.  Yay!!!!

November 22, 2010    As the Poodle Turns… Daisy, still freaked out by the movement inside her, is seldom farther than 4 feet from Mom, whose fixation on the belly is getting creepy. Max, the cat, is fascinated by the birthing box and spends a great deal of time peering into it, safely perched high atop the piano. Daisy glares at him. The mutual contempt could be cut with a knife… is war on the horizon?

Daisy... Please don't 'splode!

November 30, 2010    This week on As the Poodle Turns… Daisy spends her days laying down, as sitting and standing are now laborious. The belly hair is falling out which makes the actual belly look ginormous. Mom is beginning to worry that instead of beautiful poodle babies, Daisy will give birth to calves: huge, mooing, curly beasties! Just a little over a week to go… please don’t explode, Daisy!

December 4, 2010   3:13 AM   Yesterday on As The Poodle Turns…. Daisy delivered NINE beautiful babies!!!!!  7 girls and 2 boys.  2 need prayers : o(   More details in a few hours. Daisy and Mom are having a massive sleepover on the Laundry Room floor.

At this point I feel the need to tell you that the actual birth story is not yet typed, unless you count the fact that it is forever carved into my psyche.  It was terrifying and wonderful.  Having only had C-sections myself, I had not, until now, witnessed the miracle of birth.  I can sum it up in one word:  Ewwwww.  

Some day when the planets are aligned properly and my shrink gives me the ok to delve into those memories I will write the whole thing out.  My family thinks it is hysterical and disgusting.  

December 4, 2010  4;35 AM    TEN!!!!!!!!!!

Daisy smiles. Nice Job, Mama!

December 4, 2010  8:27 PM     Oy! What a day! All babies are still here   : o)  I have had only two hours sleep since Thursday AND I have been pooped on, peed on, I smell like formula and at one point my jeans were drenched in amniotic fluid but I have no regrets because our teensy poodles are so sweet! Daisy is an amazing momma, too!

December 5, 2010   Today on As the Poodle Turns… Daisy and eight of her babies are doing well.  The two tinies, Rudy and Theresa, well, not so much.  As I feared weeks ago during the “feeling up the dog” stage, there aren’t enough “spigots” for all of the babies.  We are feeding several of them every two hours with tiny baby bottles.  We will move all of the precious babies from under the stairs in the Laundry Room to the big whelping box in the kitchen the next time Daisy goes out for a potty break.  Husband has also moved a recliner from the Living Room into the kitchen so that I can sleep in there to “help” Daisy by feeding the babies.

Rudy, the red nosed poodle. We intended to let our son keep her forever. God had other plans for Rudy and for our family.

December 6, 2010    We now have nine beautiful babies and five broken hearts. We lost our little black female, Theresa.  Rudy, the chocolate brown red-nosed puppy that our son has chosen to keep as his forever pet is still here but not doing very well at all.  I know some will say “It’s just a dog” but my tenderhearted son has fallen in love with her so I would appreciate your prayers, for my son’s sake, that Rudy stick around for a very long time.

December 7, 2010    And then there were eight. Rest in peace, tiny Rudy.   : o(    We love you.

December 9, 2010    2:08 AM… I used to think that tiny baby poodles would be quiet, serene and blissful. These teensy beasts complain about everything, awake AND asleep. They’re really sweet to watch and listen to… unless you are trying to sleep in a recliner in your kitchen so their Momma doesn’t freak out because she is alone with them. I still love them all but daaaaaaayum, babies, shhhhhhhhhh!! This grand-poodle needs her sleep!!!

December 15, 2010     Today on As the Poodle Turns… Daisy, no longer glaring and growling, is enjoying visitors. A few of the babies have pushed up onto all fours and “walked” which would be super if they could see. Then, this afternoon, 2 of them opened their eyes – Yay!!!! All of the humans are loving every second of this! At night they watch TV with laps full of puppies…. life is good.

December 29, 2010    If 8 adorable, busy poodle babies fill up on Puppy Chow mush they should sleep a long time. Hope springs eternal.

January 5, 2011    I can’t believe how the past 5 weeks has flown by! Puppies 24/7 has really put me out of touch. It has been one of the most wonderful experiences of my life but oy, am I tired! I hate that they will have to leave us soon. If you haven’t visited yet, please call and visit… I PROMISE not to try to sell you one. I just want to share the love. There is plenty of puppy breath to go around!

We wrapped Daisy in Ace Bandage so she could "play" with her babies without them having access to the lady parts.

January 9, 2011     This weekend on As the Poodle Turns… Almost weaned and sleeping for 5 or 6 hours at a time, the puppies are ginormous. Daisy is happy that the little needle teeth don’t have as much access to her lady parts. Mom is looking forward to sleeping in her own bed again soon and happy that Daisy doesn’t worry about body image. 5 puppies now have homes to go to after they see the vet. This has been one wild ride!

January 11, 2011     Ewwww… I have found something that is worse than being up at 3:30 AM feeding 8 puppies and cleaning up poo from 8 puppies… doing that for 8 puppies who were wormed yesterday. Mommy, make it stop!!!!!!

Fun fact for passengers:  When a puppy is given “worming” medicine it does not kill the worms.  Noooo, that would be dangerous to the puppy.  Instead, this medicine temporarily paralyzes the worms, causing them to “let go”  and then the puppy passes the groggy worms.  It sounds so peaceful.  Um, no… each puppy violently shoots out several squirming, disgusting, writhing spaghetti demons.

If you are really, really lucky, they don’t come all of the way out and you get to “help” them by grabbing what is sticking out of the, shall we call it “exit portal” of the puppy and pull.  Screaming as loudly as you can while pulling worms out of a puppy not only makes your work magically more effective, it gives your husband and children something to laugh at.

If you are the luckiest person in the world, you will occasionally encounter a worm that upon being pulled from it’s host will immediately coil it’s evil body around your finger.  Screaming, gagging, shooting tears out of your eyes and seeing stars makes this task easier.

Thank you, God, for inspiring the making of vinyl gloves.

January 23, 2011  5:51 AM     Dear Puppies, There are only 7 of you now and I have cleaned up 10 huge poops in the last 5 minutes. How about we make a new rule?  One per customer, please. Thank you. Love, your grand-poodle. ps chewing on my robe is not as fun for me as it is for you.

January 27, 2011     This week on As the Poodle Turns, er, um, As the Poodles Turn…. Daisy whines at the kitchen gate, watching the babies playing, longing to join them. Alas, she can’t; unaware that they are weaned, they lunge at her. Each night Daisy sneaks toy after toy out of the kitchen and hides them. Perhaps she is not as desperate to play with the puppies as she is the rubber duckies and rubber chicken legs…

Penny gets her first hair cut! She "belongs to" our son and will stay with us forever.

January 28, 2011    Six of the puppies have now gone home with their new owners.  Two to New York, two to Jackson, one to Rochester Hills, one to Brighton.  We still have the timid male, Albie (short for Albert Einstein) and our forever puppy, Penny.  Our son has taken over all care of his puppy, Penny and has started outdoor potty training.  The boy and his baby dog are already best friends.  Yay!

It will be good for Albie to stay with us a little longer since he is very shy and lacks self confidence.  We will watch Oprah with him to boost his self esteem and our baby daughter, who is 13, has graciously agreed to potty train him and take over his care for a week or two, until we can find a good home.   She is so generous and always jumps in to help out whenever there is a need.

February 1, 2011   Our precious baby tearfully apologizes that she has fallen in love with Albie and begs to be allowed to keep him.  Her older brother, our tenderhearted son, tells me that he would like to look for a job so he can afford to buy this puppy for his baby sister and pay for all of the expenses of this additional puppy.  I called Husband at work and said “Congratulations!  We now live with three poodles… like forever…”

Albie in the arms of his teenager. They are head over heels in love with each other. Life is good.

February 2, 2011  I was contacted by two different people who each want to buy Albie.  I pretend to apologize as I tell them that we have decided to keep him.  One of the prospective buyers even offered me twice what we were asking.  There is not enough money in the world to give up any of our sweet poodles.  Each of them is so wonderful!  Just 12 short weeks ago I was completely unaware that our family was incomplete.

February 22, 2011     Today on As the Poodle Turns… Daisy is beyond excited that she gets to go “bye bye in the car” at only 7 am! This can ONLY mean that this will be the best day EVER, right? Mom seemed a little sad when she was blathering on and on about “Spa” day, promising to pray for her… Poor Daisy is not much of a speller… Happy SPAY day, everybody!